Supporting children's sleep: from trust to good rituals

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Children's sleep is often a source of questions... and sometimes tension. Delays in falling asleep, night-time awakenings, refusal to nap: when the nights are restless, the whole family balance wavers. Parents exhausted, children irritable, moments of sharing cut short... And often, a feeling of powerlessness.
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But good sleep isn't just a question of hours spent in bed. It's a real pillar of children's physical, cognitive and emotional development. And it's also one of the best allies for serene parenthood.
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In the nurseries and pre-schools of the Esclaibes International Schools network, we ensure that each child's rhythm is respected, in a calm and caring environment. To better understand the mechanisms of sleep - and ease parents' guilt - we've gathered some valuable advice from two sleep consultants: Sandra Menoni, founder of La Nuit des Petits, and Valérie Carlier, creator of Sommeil des P'tits Loups. Their message is clear: children's sleep is not based on ready-made recipes, but on parental trust,keen observation andadaptation specific to each child... and respect for children's physiological needs.
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Why sleep is essential from an early age

Sleep plays a fundamental role in a child's development. And yet, when it becomes difficult - delayed sleep, multiple awakenings, refusal to nap... - it can plunge the whole family into a spiral of fatigue, worry and guilt. Because when children don't sleep, parents are exhausted too, and the pressure mounts: we want to "do the right thing", we look for solutions, sometimes in vain.

But understanding the issues surrounding sleep helps you put things into perspective and support your child without unnecessary anxiety.
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Sleep, a lever for cognitive and emotional development

Deep sleep promotes :

• memory consolidation ;
• language learning ;
• maturation of the nervous system.

It's during the night that the brain sorts, organizes and stores the day's information. A well-rested child is better able to concentrate, reason and interact serenely.
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Sleep, an ally of the immune system

Sleep also plays a central role in strengthening the immune system.

"When you're in sleep debt, you increase your immune vulnerability and are therefore more susceptible to miocrobes," explains Valérie Carlier.

It's during the night that the body regulates inflammation, produces certain cytokines (immune proteins) and strengthens its natural defenses.

In toddlers, whose immune systems are still under construction, repeated sleep deprivation can lead to greater vulnerability to viruses, ENT infections or digestive disorders. Hence the importance of preserving the quality and quantity of sleep, particularly during sensitive periods such as seasonal changes, starting school or growth spurts.
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Sleep, a natural prevention of irritability

Lack of sleep often leads to nervousness, temper tantrums, frequent crying and even behavioral problems. As Sandra Menoni explains, this is mainly due to an overproduction of cortisol (the stress hormone), which disrupts not only sleep, but also the child's emotional balance:

"Cortisol acts like a caffeine. If it remains high because the child isn't getting enough sleep or isn't sleeping at the right time, it prevents melatonin from doing its job. The result: children are more agitated, irritable and have trouble falling asleep."

Restorative sleep, even for learning at school

From kindergarten onwards, sleep is an essential prerequisite for learning. A child who sleeps well will be more focused, more curious and more receptive to what's going on in class. Conversely, a tired child may lose interest, have difficulty keeping up with the pace or making friends.

For parents, becoming aware of this reality shouldn't be a source of additional stress, but an invitation to observe more closely, to adjust gently, and above all to feel less guilty: there's no such thing as perfect sleep, only a rhythm adapted to each child.

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Understanding and supporting your child's sleep patterns

Not all children have the same sleep needs - and that's normal. What's important is not to impose an "ideal model", but to understand each child's own rhythm, so as to provide the right support.

The key role of the circadian rhythm

As Sandra Menoni explains, sleep is based on a natural biological cycle known as the circadian rhythm:

"During the day, cortisol is secreted, stimulating wakefulness; at night, melatonin takes over, promoting sleep. When this cycle is disrupted, the child remains artificially awake and becomes more agitated.

So when parents ask the teacher to cut their 3-year-old's nap because they can't get him to sleep at night, watch out! As Valérie Carlier explains:

"It's a false belief to say to yourself: I'm not going to give him a nap, so he'll fall asleep earlier in the evening. If the child doesn't get his quota of daytime hours of sleep, you're going to create a small debt. Bedtime is then likely to become more complicated, as the window of wakefulness (the time the body takes to stay awake between sleeps) will have exploded. The stress hormone cortisol will be too high, making bedtime more difficult. For the child, this becomes a struggle for his body. As a result, it becomes a struggle for parents too. It can also lead to night-time awakenings. We need to preserve the daytime quota to secure the night-time quota.. "

That's why professionals at schools and nurseries refuse to abolish naps altogether on request: it goes against the child's biological rhythm.
And even if there is no nap, often around age 4, a quiet time is needed to allow stress hormones to regulate.

The right reflex? Observe signs of fatigue, suggest regular times, a quiet moment, create an environment conducive to falling asleep and respect your physiological needs without trying to "force" you to go to bed earlier. This will help restore and maintain balance to your internal clock.

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Observe rather than control sleep

The point is not to force a child to sleep, but to listen to his or her needs. Yawning, eye rubbing and unusual restlessness are all signals to watch out for.

Even in the event of a transition (such as the gradual phasing out of naps), a period of observation is essential to gradually adapt the evening timetable or propose a quiet moment during the day. As Sandra Menoni reminds us

"My 4-year-old son still takes a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon, so he goes to bed at 9pm. That's his rhythm, and he's in good shape."

And conversely, some children at this age no longer need a nap. But that doesn't mean there can't be quiet time in the early afternoon. On the other hand, a child who no longer naps at 4 may go to bed earlier than 9 p.m.
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Striking a balance between framework and flexibility

The best way to support a regular sleep pattern is to set up a regular framework, without becoming rigid. Consistent schedules reassure children, as do repeated rituals (songs, stories, cuddles...). But it's also important to remain flexible when the context changes: vacations, growth, strong emotions...

So, when it comes to children's sleep, there are no universal rules, but we do need to listen, adjust and trust in order to help your child find his or her own rhythm - and the whole family enjoy a more peaceful night's sleep.

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The role of parents in supporting sleep

A child's sleep depends not only on a well-oiled routine and a good understanding of circadian rhythms. It also - and perhaps above all - depends on the parents' attitude. Inner attitude, trust and emotional regularity play a central role in helping children sleep, especially toddlers.

Trust, the key to a good night's sleep

Sandra Menoni insists:

"Convinced parents are convincing parents."

In other words, a child will find it all the easier to fall asleep serenely if his parents are themselves convinced that all is well, that they are aligned with the choices they make, and that they embody a form of inner security.
This doesn't mean knowing or controlling everything, but rather cultivating self-confidence as a parent, accepting the journey, and allowing yourself to adjust.

In her work with young parents, Sandra has noticed that this confidence-building often helps to unblock complex situations. Many young parents feel guilty about not being able to "do it right". They doubt, judge and compare themselves... whereas a benevolent look at oneself is often the best way to calm things down.

Accepting crying at bedtime, recognizing emotions

Bedtime can awaken deep emotions in adults: stress, exhaustion, childhood memories, fear of doing the wrong thing... And when a child cries or resists falling asleep, it's easy to feel helpless.

"When you become a parent, your whole educational schema resurfaces and all your beliefs collapse," explains Sandra Menoni.

It encourages us to understand that crying is part of normal emotional development. The child is not expressing rejection or manipulation, but an emotion. What's important is that the parent is able to accompany the child without panicking, remaining present and calm as much as possible.

This work of emotional acceptance doesn't happen overnight. It requires us to recognize our own limits, to accept imperfection, and to reconnect with what is essential: love, security and presence.

Observing your child without controlling everything

Finally, one of the most powerful levers for supporting sleep is close observation.

Rather than applying a fixed method or trying to do things "the right way", it's more useful to look at what's happening with your own child.

What are his fatigue signals? Is he more agitated when he misses his nap? Does he need a moment of quiet play or a longer cuddle before falling asleep?

These small daily adjustments help to build a secure environment, without unnecessary pressure.

Sandra Menoni summarizes:

"Even if he doesn't do 12-hour nights, it's not a big deal. You have to let go of your guilt and trust yourself."
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Five golden rules for a good night's sleep

Because good sleep is the fruit of overall balance, here are five tips to help children (and their parents!) rediscover peaceful nights. These principles, advocated by Sandra Menoni and Valérie Carlier, are based on respect for the child's rhythm, regularity, quality of relationship and encouragement.

1. Establish a bedtime ritual

Children need reference points.

"It reassures the brain, which is slowly preparing to go to sleep," explains Valérie Carlier.

The bedtime ritual includes :

• a stable bedtime schedule that helps their biological clock to regulate itself. Even on vacations or weekends, try to keep a constant rhythm, as this will make it easier to fall asleep;
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• a routine in the sequence of steps: after the food part, there's usually hygiene, with brushing the teeth and going to the toilet. These key moments can be displayed with pictograms to help children find their way through the ritual. Then it's time for bed.
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• a time to fill your emotional reservoir: your child's, but also your own.

‍"That's how evening reading is more than a shared story; it's a time to fill your love tank," Valérie Carlier points out.

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Subdued lighting, reading, cuddling and lullaby singing are all indicators that help children understand that it's time to relax and fall asleep. And of course, we avoid any content requiring a screen (educational applications, cartoons) before bedtime. In addition to the blue light diffused by screens, a light frequency that prevents melatonin, the sleep hormone, from being secreted, the content also places intense demands on the child's brain. It's hard to imagine how many stimuli a video image can send to the brain.
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2. Observe sleep over 24 hours (day + night)

Many parents worry if their child sleeps little at night, without taking into account overall sleep over 24 hours. However, a long nap can perfectly compensate for a later bedtime or an early awakening.

Every child has different needs. The important thing is to observe their energy level, their mood, their ability to concentrate... rather than setting a rigid number of hours.

3. Being present at bedtime

Simply being physically present is not enough. For the child, it's essential that the parent is truly emotionally available at bedtime, to create a climate of trust and security.

Settle down with him, look him in the eye, respond to his emotional needs: it's these small gestures of presence that make all the difference.

"It 'snot just about being in the house, but really being with them. If they don't, they may think it's not time to go to sleep ," explains Sandra Menoni.

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4. Create a serene and reassuring atmosphere

Bedtime shouldn't be a tense, rushed moment. The calmer, more predictable and gentler the atmosphere, the more your child will be able to let go and fall asleep peacefully.

The Sleep Sense philosophy promotes a gradual return to calm, enabling children to develop a form of autonomy as they fall asleep, while feeling that they are never alone.

Soft lighting, low voices, a stable routine, a reassuring blanket: these are all elements that promote peaceful sleep.

5. Recognize progress with encouragement

Even small steps count. A child who manages to fall asleep on his own, stay calm or verbalize a fear deserves praise. Encouragement shouldn't depend on a perfect result, but on how far you've come.

"Encouragement is the common thread in education. Children need to know that they've done something positive, which has a positive effect on their parents, so their progress becomes spectacular ," confirms Sandra Menoni.

Visible effects for the whole family

Quality sleep doesn't just have an effect on the child: it transforms family life as a whole. When the rhythm is more serene, relationships are calmer, learning is easier, and everyone finds a form of emotional balance. If, despite the advice given in this article, your child's sleep is disturbed, don't hesitate to consult a child sleep specialist. Sometimes, an outside eye can help you to pinpoint the cause of the problem.

A calmer child, a less exhausted parent

A well-rested child is less irritable, more cooperative and happier. They are better able to manage their emotions and play calmly. Good sleep improves concentration. Conversely, lack of sleep can lead to crying, temper tantrums and frequent opposition.

For parents too, their child's sleep is a major issue. Lack of rest, interrupted nights and endless falling asleep can lead to extreme fatigue and even parental burnout. Improving children's sleep also means allowing parents to rest, refocus and breathe.
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A calmer family atmosphere

When evenings are free of struggle and stress, and nights are calmer, the whole family dynamic benefits. Tensions diminish, communication improves, and quality time becomes more plentiful.

Bedtime can even become a precious moment of emotional connection, where deep bonds are forged through a shared book, a tender discussion or an evening cuddle.

More concentration and pleasure in learning

As we've already explained, a good night's sleep improves cognitive functions: attention, memorization, comprehension and creativity. A child who sleeps well is more receptive to learning, whether at home or at school.

It's also a child who takes pleasure in learning, because he or she has the energy and mental availability to explore, ask questions and try new things. In the classroom, this translates into better participation, calmer behavior and a greater ability to persevere in activities.

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Caring support at school too

Sleep guidance doesn't stop at the door. In the Esclaibes network of day nurseries and pre-schools, respect for each child's individual rhythm is at the heart of our pedagogical approach. Sleep is seen not as a constraint, but as a fundamental need, inseparable from well-being and learning.

Respecting the sleep needs of toddlers

In our early childhood facilities, we listen to each child's individual rhythm. Some need long naps, others shorter or staggered rest periods. Our professionals adjust the sleeping arrangements according to the age, needs and development of each child.

Naps are never imposed, but offered in a calm, reassuring environment, with identified rituals to help children fall asleep.

A global approach: trust, well-being, child's rhythm

Just as at home, asecure environment and the quality of the adult-child relationship play a decisive role. In Esclaibes day nurseries and pre-school classes, children evolve in a calm environment, supported by caring adults trained to listen to their physiological and emotional needs.

This holistic approach fosters confidence, autonomy and respect for the body - the founding values of our pedagogy.

The importance of calm in the school environment

To sleep well, you simply have to feel good. That's why our teams take great care to ensure a balanced day, with active and quiet times following one another in harmony. Montessori environments naturally promote serenity: furniture at child height, soft lighting, controlled noise, regular rituals.

Even for older children, time for relaxation, reading or calming down is built into the day, to help everyone regain their balance and recharge their batteries.

Sleep, a gentle learning process based on emotional security

Sleep is not a battle to be won, but a learning path to be accompanied with gentleness, consistency and trust. The more emotionally secure children feel, the more they can relax, let go and go to sleep serenely.

In our daycare centers and schools, we attach great importance to the children's overall well-beingstarting with sleep, the foundation of development.

Want to find out more about our approach to well-being and respectful education?
Discover the schools and nurseries in the Esclaibes International Schools network, where each child develops at his or her own pace, surrounded by caring, passionate adults.